Friday, August 10, 2012

Another Politically Correct LRRH

Below is an excerpt from a Politically Correct Little Red Riding Hood, which is not the version by James Finn Garner found in Politically Correct Bedtime Stories (although Red's initial remark to the wolf is nearly word for word identical to Garner's...but the rest is unique).
Red Riding Hood returned to the main path, and proceeded towards her Grandmother's house.But because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house.
He burst into the house and ate Grandma, a course of action affirmative of his nature as a predator.

 Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist gender role notions, he put on Grandma's nightclothes, crawled under the bedclothes, and awaited developments.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said,"Grandma, I have brought you some cruelty free snacks to salute you in your role of wise and nurturing matriarch."
The Wolf said softly "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."

Red Riding Hood said, "Goddess! Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
"You forget that I am optically challenged."

 "And Grandma, what an enormous, what a fine nose you have."
"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."

"And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor Grandmother cowering in his belly.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding to a new level of intimacy!"
The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on her.


  1. This post is so applicable to my childhood. I used to read tons of liberal, PC fairy tales (mixed in with the bloody, non-PC classics, like Blue Beard---> My special favorite. If you haven't read it, you definitely should. It's a winner.) I read this series of small collections called Politically Correct Fairy Tales. Oh my gosh, loved them.