Cinderella's Dresses

Ella didn't have the kind of childhood you dream of for a little girl. Her family suffered from substance abuse. When Ella was still in grade school, she used to think that if she was really, really

good, then she could help repair her family's dysfunction. She eventually learned that striving for good behaviors didn't seem to have any affect, and she gave up and embraced the same tools her family used to deal with things-alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes.

Ella's life became a roller coaster of visiting rehabs and relapsing. She eventually ended up in a foster home. The family she lived with was so different from her own, she didn't feel like she fit in. Her foster siblings were too "perfect," they couldn't possibly understand what she had gone through, the decisions she had made, or what her world was like.

Once again, Ella found herself in need of rehab. She chose a program in a more violent neighborhood in Chicago, because it would be shorter than the alternative. She found herself a racial minority, not really benefiting from the services the rehab provided, and not fitting in with the other girls.

On certain Saturdays, the girls were allowed to go out with friends or family members. Her foster parents would drive out whenever they could, taking her home for a day, or for adventures in the city, seeing major league baseball games or visiting Chinatown.

Black and white illustrations-George Cruikshank

One Saturday promised to be only a brief visit-the family had RSVPed to a wedding in the late afternoon. Ella had never been to a wedding before; she wished she could go with her foster parents, but she wasn't on the guest list, and anyway was only dressed in jeans, not appropriate wedding attire. But, her foster parents called the family who was hosting the wedding to see if Ella could come with them to the ceremony; the hosting family would be thrilled to have Ella there.

The foster family was on a mission. They didn't have much time; Ella and her foster mother ran into a clothing store while her foster sister went into the beauty store next door to pick up makeup. Ella found a dress right away, tried it on, and wore it out of the store. There was a palpable excitement in the family van at this sudden change of circumstances; Ella put on her new makeup as they drove to the ceremony.

Cinderella- A Moment Til Midnight

by Krystal Scheetz

The wedding was beautiful, but it was over all too soon. The wedding party went to take pictures, and the rest of the guests were making their way over to the reception venue, but Ella had a 6:00 curfew at the rehab facility, so they left for the city of Chicago again.

The foster family would still be able to return the party, feast, and dance, but Ella was going back to her life of drudgery. She grew sullen and wouldn't speak during the car ride. She changed out of her new dress in the back seat of the van, rolled it up, and hid it as she left the van, back to the walls of her prison.

John Batten

Several years passed. The road was a long and difficult one for both Ella and her foster parents. She made some poor decisions along the way, but also faced hardships many people can only imagine-homelessness, abuse, and the constant temptation of family members who dragged her back down into addiction.

But through it all, her foster parents did what they could to help her. They stayed in contact after she turned 18 and was out of foster care. They helped her find jobs and housing, study for her GED, and gave her innumerable second chances.

Kinuko Y. Craft

This weekend, Ella wore a different kind of dress-a beautiful, lacey, white wedding dress. She is drug free and the mother of two beautiful children. She is now the strong one who sets an example for her family members, and gently guides a drunk friend back home. She and her husband could not have afforded the cost of a wedding, but once again, her faithful fairy godparents were there to help with details of venue and flowers and food and ceremony. She beamed as she echoed her marriage vows and placed a ring on her husband's finger.

I share this story, although it's unusual for me, because I hope it's an encouragement. There are so many people who, like Ella (whose name has been changed for privacy), seem to have been dealt life's worst cards. Life can seem incredibly dark and hopeless. If you or a loved one struggled with substance abuse and/or other struggles, it can seem like there's no way out and no point in trying, but it is possible to turn a life around.

Fairy tales don't have happy endings because we're trying to propagate the false idea that life is easy or perfect; (most) fairy tales have happy endings simply because we know all too well that life is not easy or perfect. It will usually take a little more than a dress and a night of partying to change a pattern of behavior, it may take years and much discouragement-but a fairy tale is a way of looking into the future and seeing what could happen.

I also wanted to recognize the sacrifices that countless foster parents and adoptive parents are making all across the world. They open up their homes and hearts with no guarantee their efforts will be appreciated or successful. I have a huge amount of wonder and respect for the love and forgiveness my parents have shown Ella and their other foster children through the years; I honestly don't know if I could ever do what they have done.

I hope it's also encouraging to realize that we can be that fairy godmother to someone else. It doesn't have to be something as extreme as long term foster care-sometimes a smile and listening ear can do wonders in the life of someone who is lonely and hurting. Whether we realize it or not, our words and actions (or lack thereof) can change someone's life-that's a huge responsibility, and a privilege we should not forget or take lightly.

This weekend I saw my father walk Ella down the aisle and dance the father/daughter dance with her. At the time she lived with us I would never have predicted that she would honor us as her family in this way. I'm thrilled for Ella and wish her an epic Happily Ever After-not that it will be perfect or easy, but I do think it will be full of love and happiness all the same.

Congratulations, Ella-

Return of the newlywed blogger

I'm back!

Still trying to settle into our new home, legally change my name, etc. But the wedding and honeymoon were wonderful. While I'm still catching up on other fairy tale news since I've been gone and haven't had time to research yet, I thought I'd share a few pictures.

I wasn't originally going to have any sort of fairy tale theme to the wedding, but we found these great (and affordable!) invitations via Bed Bath & Beyond:

And from there other people started catching on too. We started getting fairy tale-themed cards and gifts, and it gave me an idea for reception tables. Each table, instead of a just a number, was also a fairy tale:

Of course I put myself at Beauty and the Beast :)

I also decorated the escort card table with vintage fairy tale books. The best part was I already owned all of them so it didn't cost me anything!

Okay, that's the last of the wedding-themed posts, I promise :) I hope to be posting more regularly soon!

Fairy tale wedding ideas

As mentioned earlier, I've been collecting fairy tale-themed wedding ideas from around the interwebs and here are some of my favorites!

First up, from reader Sarah Anne Cox, who made this castle cake for her sister's wedding:

Thanks for sending, Sarah!

Enchanted carriage favor boxes

 

Don't be Late-Save the dates

 

Castle cake

Once Upon a Time Invitations

or here

 

Carriage and Castle cake

 

Check out this Snow-White themed wedding! Kind of refreshing to see something other than a Cinderella inspiration

 

And for the honeymoon...The Castle Garden, a medieval castle-themed room in Big Bear Lake, CA

 

For those of you who might be curious, I won't be using any of the above. But fairy tales are sneaking their way into my wedding plans...

*I will be walking down the aisle to an organ arrangement of the finale from Stravinsky's Firebird (which wasn't intentionally to reference fairy tales, I just think it's one of the most exciting and joyful pieces of music I know)

*My mom is making a slideshow of pictures of us for the reception and the words are framed as a "once upon a time" story

*Also in the above video, one of the songs playing is "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees, which begins with the lyrics: "I thought love was only true in fairy tales/meant for someone else but not for me/Love was out to get me/That's the way it seemed/Disappointment haunted all my dreams". I always thought this song was spot on for me, for all my love of fairy tales I had grown a bit cynical about love and men in general before I met Tony...

*Our reception tables may be named after different Disneyland rides

"Fairy Tale" Weddings?

Image from here

I'm certainly not the first person to talk about this, but it's been on my mind lately since I've been planning my own wedding. As soon as you start looking at dresses, locations, etc., a bride-to-be keeps hearing the phrase "fairy tale wedding." Businesses want to endorse the image of the wedding being the most perfect day ever so that you'll justify spending exorbitant amounts of money for your special day. But implicit in the phrase and what it is supposed to mean is a misunderstanding of fairy tales in general.

The "fairy tale wedding" is, in theory, the couple's ideal, dream wedding. This coming from the misconception that fairy tales themselves are ideal. And in one sense, the happy endings do generally tend to be ideal, but they're more of a well-deserved rest for the main characters who have been through hell (sometimes literally) and back. But even then, you don't hear much detail about what makes it so happy, or the wedding itself, even though many fairy tales do end with a wedding. Some folktales end with a line about being invited to the wedding, and eating their fill and having wine run over their beards (see my beyond happily ever after post), but I highly doubt this is what bridal stores have in mind when they use the phrase "fairy tale wedding."

Someone had asked me in the comments if I was going to do a fairy-tale themed wedding. I honestly don't know how I would go about doing that-it seems the most common way is to pay ridiculous amounts of money for products that allude to Disney Princess movies. I could have spent quite a bit of my budget on one of these Alfred Angelo gowns inspired by classic Princesses:

But without the backgrounds you really wouldn't even know they were supposed to be Disney at all. Do any of you have ideas for how to allude to fairy tales without bringing Disney into the equation? I was looking through one book at my library that had suggestions for a fairy tale themed wedding. Some I thought were cute, like to make your invitations look like a page out of a storybook. Others I thought laughable, like to put your flower girl in a "before transformation" outfit and have her carry a pail down the aisle, and for an older woman to dress up like the fairy godmother and touch the bride with a wand. It's a wedding, not a play. And I'm pretty sure our bridal party would hate us if we made them dress in medieval costumes like the book also suggested.

I would watch episodes of "Say Yes to the Dress" like it was my homework while I was dress shopping, and one episode I thought was particularly ironic. I'm pretty sure it was Season 3, episode 3, titled "Once Upon a Dress," and the theme tying all the brides together was the idea of the fairy tale wedding. As happens so often on that show, one bride had particularly rude sisters with her, who were insulting her body and everything she tried on. The narrator at the end said something like, "for some brides, dress shopping is nothing like a fairy tale, as [insert bride's name] had to deal with the harsh words of her sisters." And I was like...are you kidding? That is EXACTLY like a fairy tale. It could hardly be more like Cinderella! Cinderella is defined by her cruel mother and sisters much more so than her wedding. 

So, if any of you have ideas/links to share of wedding ideas that are fairy tale but not overtly Disney, please share in the comments! I have a future post in the works.

Also, I think this image perfectly captures, in my mind, the disconnect between people's conception of fairy tales in general/"fairy tale weddings", and what actually happens in fairy tales:

(Google images got it from here. I'm pretty sure I already saw this meme on Asshole Disney)

Happily Ever After Starts Here

You may or may not have noticed I disappeared for a little longer than usual...not only has it been a crazy busy month at work, but I GOT ENGAGED!!! The above sign is one that my Prince Tony used to decorate the gazebo where he had originally asked me to be his girlfriend :) A nod to my love of fairy tales...

So, in addition to juggling part time jobs and trying to spend time with friends and family and my Prince who lives in a (somewhat) distant kingdom, I will also be planning a wedding and possibly moving. Therefore posting will probably be slowing down here for a while. Partly I'm publishing this just so I don't feel guilty about posting less, but although I usually don't share too much of my personal life on here, this was too exciting not to share!